Silence
by ChrisWrites3434
Summary: When a biological weapon is released on Central City, humanity takes a violent turn. Trapped on the outside with madmen and monsters, Barry and Iris struggle to survive. Meanwhile, the safest place left in Central City becomes the deadliest. Cisco, Caitlin and the rest of Central City High are taken captive by a man desperate to protect his wife at all costs. Dark AU. WestAllen.
1. Symptoms

Disclaimer: I own nothing

**Silence**

Chapter One- Symptoms

**Breaking News: Big Belly Burger shuts down locations across the United States after salmonella outbreak. Central City has announced plans to redirect incoming patients to other hospitals; at the moment there isn't enough room or staff to handle this crisis. **

* * *

><p>That's how it started. They said that it was a salmonella outbreak. Imagine this, it's been a long day at school, and you and your friends unwind with a ridiculously unhealthy slice of Heaven, also known as Big Belly Burger.<p>

You get the number five: extra guac, extra onion rings, and yes to the special seasoning—life is grand until you hit the 12-72 hour mark, and that's when your body starts to turn against you.

The symptoms were not disclosed to the public for obvious reasons—we would panic, and with panic comes complete chaos. If they told us the truth, maybe we would've had a fighting chance.

The news reporters glossed over the details.

Reporter: The patient will exhibit symptoms within a 12-72 hour time frame. Do not be alarmed if symptoms begin sooner. If you experience: severe dehydration, heavy breathing, and mild to severe diarrhea, you should go to the hospital immediately. In fact, at this time we are urging all people who ate at any Big Belly Burger within the last seventy-two hours to get checked out—even if you are not showing symptoms.

_And what they didn't tell us. _

S.T.A.R. Labs classified report: The M3M2 strain was created as a biological weapon in times of severe distress. The strain _can_ be isolated if the experiment is closely monitored. However, the strain has had inconclusive results in an experiment conducted in 1993. For further information refer to _The Mutant Crisis_. In conclusion, the M3M2 strain has been labeled fundamentally unstable and dangerous until further research can be done.

* * *

><p>"Bear, where are you off to?" Mom asked.<p>

"I told Iris that I would help her study for a Physics test." As an afterthought I added, "Dinner smells really good."

"It should. I made your favorite." Mom gestured towards the table. "How about you eat first and then head over to Iris' house? It's been a while since we had dinner together."

It had been a while. I was too nervous to eat. "Or you could save me some?"

Mom frowned. She had always been big on family dinners. They were next to impossible considering that dad was usually working late. Due to dad's schedule we revised family dinner to include the West's. We all had our designated seats.

I agreed because mom never asked for much. Despite my nerves I tried to keep the conversation going. Mom talked about her co-workers; Barb who was always cussing people out, Rodney who was cheating on his wife with the assistant, and Margo with the awful social skills.

I listened and laughed, shoveled food into my mouth, and eyed the clock aggressively. I was going to do it tonight. Sink or swim. I couldn't keep this secret anymore; Iris deserved the truth.

I couldn't predict how she would react, and that terrified me.

"A penny for your thoughts?" mom asked, softly.

I reached for a glass of water and gulped most of it down.

A smile tugged at mom's lips. "This is about Iris isn't it?"

_It was always about Iris. _

Mom took a sip of her red wine. "Young love, I remember what that's like."

I bowed my head woefully. _It was an awful thing that was also masochistically wonderful_.

"She loves you, Bear."

"You don't know that."

"Actually, I do. In a crowded room Iris always looks for you." Mom shrugged as if that was the be all and end all of arguments.

_Iris looks for you. Bam. Love._

I chewed on my lip to keep from smiling. Mom always knew the right thing to say.

"Love is patient. Maybe the timing isn't _right now_, but that's okay. The best kind of love is the one that's been there all along. We all have our blind spots, Bear."

I smiled faintly. Mom was right. "Did you love dad before he kissed you?"

I knew the answer. After too many glasses of wine or on holidays, mom and dad would go to sap-zone in the blink of an eye. They would gaze at each other and talk about that first kiss which was followed by a prompt slap.

"I couldn't stand your father!" Mom exclaimed. "He was cocky and entitled. I smacked him so hard after he stole that first kiss!"

After a stolen kiss, an angry slap across the face, and the birth of a science geek son, here they were, still living happily ever after. What I would give to have that with Iris.

Mom glanced over her shoulder at the TV. "One second, sweetheart." She reached for the remote and turned up the volume.

"Central City Hospital has officially reached maximum capacity. All incoming patients are being redirected to three neighboring hospitals—we have no word yet on the condition of the patients inside, but we are being assured that the situation is under control."

_Famous last words. _

* * *

><p>"One skinny latte, no whip, very light on the sugar." Caitlin handed the customer a cinnamon mug.<p>

Usually on the weekend Jitters was packed, but today there was only four people in here, including me.

"Hey, Barry," Caitlin slid over a mug.

"What's this?"

"It's free for starters." Caitlin said winking. "Don't turn your nose up at free juju from the coffee Gods."

I smiled and took a sip. My eyes widened. "_Woah_, this is good. What is it?"

Accomplished, Caitlin placed her hand on her hip. "I call it the Caitlin Snow Jitters Special, but it's also known as hot cocoa, a little bit of coffee, some marshmallow fluff, and crumbled graham crackers."

"I approve of this juju from the coffee Gods." I said with a nod.

"Anytime, Bear."

Light 90's music was playing in the background. A lot of Sixpence none the richer, Goo Goo Dolls, and Dave Matthew Band, the kind of music that reminded me of Iris.

"What are you doing here?" Caitlin asked.

I took mock offense. "Are you trying to get rid of me already?"

"_No_," Caitlin squeezed my wrist. "I'm not. It's just typically when you have free time, you're with Iris…except for lately, because of Eddie, but now that they're not together anymore…" she smiled and widened her eyes. "I'm talking too much?"

"That's a good thing. I need a distraction." Caitlin let go of my wrist. "I was on my way to Iris' house but I need to get my head together. You're my favorite psychologist, Cate. I wish I could be as rational as you."

I smoothed down my hair with both hands. Being in my head too much wasn't always a good thing.

"You are extremely rational." Caitlin said. "Except for when it comes to matters of the heart. And tell me the truth…you called Cisco before me, didn't you?"

We were best friends. Caitlin, Cisco, and me were the three amigos. But feelings often got hurt when someone was excluded from the festivities. Caitlin caught the most feelings.

"No, you're my numero uno."

Caitlin rolled her eyes, but I did see the ghost of a smile. "What are you going to tell Iris?"

"I have no idea."

"Well, you need to have an idea."

My eyebrows furrowed. "I've never been good with girls."

"That's a lie."

"_What_?" I chuckled, and nearly dropped the mug in the process.

Caitlin laughed. "Girls _like_ you, Bear."

"_What girls_?"

"The girls who think you are funny, and clumsy, and smart."

I wrapped my hands around the mug and stared at Caitlin. "No one thinks that."

She looked down, "You know that you're just as blind as Iris."

"Is that supposed to be helpful, Cate?"

She shrugged. "Interpret it however you want."

I finished off the rest of Caitlin's coffee nectar from the Gods. "Thank you for this. I love you."

"That's what you should tell her." Caitlin said. "Look her in the eyes and tell her that you love her. That's the easiest way to tell if she loves you back."

I smiled at my best friend and gave her a fist-bump before leaving. I wasn't that blind. I knew that Caitlin liked me. I loved her—I really did, but not in the same way that I loved Iris.

* * *

><p>"Well, look who decided to stop on by." Joe greeted from the couch. He was wearing his football jersey and a game was playing in the background.<p>

I shrugged off my jacket. "Hey Joe. It smells like a feast in here."

"That's Iris." Joe grinned. "She's on a Pintrest kick which means that she's been whipping up five course meals all weekend. I'm not complaining but the scale is."

"What do you know about Pintrest?" I teased.

"Not a damn thing. I group it with Facebook and Twitter, crack for young people."

Joe's laughter was contagious. I laughed along with him even though I felt like running back to my car like a scared little boy. I missed him. It had been a while since we hung out—watching sports, fixing cars, and working on science projects together.

I walked over to Joe and gave him a hug. "What's the score? Who's playing?"

Honestly, I wasn't into football. I watched it, and dissected it like a science lesson, picking and choosing the events that were worth holding a conversation with Joe. I studied enough to know when to boo at a fumble, cheer on his/our favorite wide receiver, and predict who was going to the Super Bowl.

Iris typically didn't join us when we were in the man-cave-den but when she did; she put my knowledge to shame. She whipped out her jersey, hollered at the TV, and hugged me or cheered when her team got a touchdown. It's worth noting that she was typically on the opposite team of Joe and I.

"How are your folks, Bear?"

"They're good." I said, gripping onto my knees, to keep them from trembling. "My dad's working late at the hospital because of the salmonella…"

"Barry, when did you get here?" Iris interrupted. She smiled down at me with that effervescent beam that commanded me to smile along. Even when I didn't feel like smiling, like a ventriloquist, she commanded me.

"I just got here." I stammered.

_She isn't a stranger_.

"I thought you were here for me? We've already gone over this. Dad you can borrow Barry on Wednesday and Sundays, every other day he's mine…_to torture_."

Like a nervous goon I smiled at both Iris and Joe.

Joe rubbed his hands together, "Bear, you heard her. Honey, did you make enough for Barry?"

Iris tilted her head to the side. "I've been testing my cooking on Barry since the easy-bake oven, of course there is enough for him." She ninja-tickled my stomach; which made me laugh out loud. "You better have saved some room."

I had vivid nightmares of the easy bake oven. Iris' cooking used to always make me sick, but like a fool, I always chose being sick over insulting the cook. Hopefully, Pintrest whipped her awful cooking skills into shape.

Iris stood over Joe with her arms crossed. She was clearly waiting for a critique. I settled deeper into the couch—trying not to notice Iris' perfume. _Channel Coco Mademoiselle._

I had brought it for her last Christmas, and every time she wore it…I had to exercise extreme control. There was something wild buried deep inside of me. A monster that was clearly waiting to be let free.

"Mmm, delicious." Joe gave her a thumbs up.

I had been zoning out that whole time. I snapped out of it.

Joe shifted his eyes towards me. "My critique isn't good enough. The Pintrest chef demands more."

"Barry will tell me what he thinks. You're off the hook." She reached for my hand and tugged. I stood up and she dragged me towards the kitchen. "I am so excited for you to try this."

On the way to the kitchen Joe asked. "Iris, did you make the pie too?"

"Yes, it's in the fridge." She called.

Joe pumped his fists excitedly. "Barry, you better save room for the pie."

"I will," Iris let go of my hand and she pulled out a chair for me. I smiled sheepishly back at her. "Usually I'm the one cooking for you. Reciprocation is always nice."

Iris massaged my shoulders. "You don't cook, you burn."

"Hey!"

She leaned forward. If I turned to the right…_she was close enough to kiss_.

I shook the thought. I would never.

"Whenever you cooked for me it always came with a side of extra crispy."

"I cooked for you with love…Iris."

"Aww, I know. I know." She kissed me on the cheek. "And I love you for that. Remember when you used to make the heart-shaped burnt toast. It was like eating coal and granite, but the sentiment was so sweet."

_And remember when your easy bake spaghetti almost sent me to the hospital? _

"How was your day?" she asked.

"It was okay." My throat felt dry. I could ask her about hers, but I didn't want to hear about Eddie. They weren't together anymore, but the captain of the football team had a way of popping up like a zit, into every conversation. "Hey, Iris."

"Yeah?" her back was facing me.

Caitlin said that I needed to look Iris in the eyes when I told her. _She was right._

"I'm listening, Bear."

"Could we um…" My voice cracked suddenly.

_Don't tell her. _

Iris turned to face me. She stopped serving food onto a plate.

I nervously chuckled, but I felt myself becoming overwhelmed with emotion. I pinched the bridge of my nose.

_I was already messing this up. _

Iris walked over to me. She held out her arms.

"Uh…what's happening?"

"Just give me a hug."

I stared up at her, taking in her smile. When I stood, Iris crashed into me. She hugged me tightly to her. Her embrace felt like a lifejacket for a drowning victim. "You're the best." I said to her.

I didn't have to pretend to be someone else around Iris. I could be insecure, a dork, and a body to hug when words just weren't needed. Iris' hand went to the back of my head, still holding me in place. "Guess what," she said.

"What?" I breathed.

Iris pulled away from me, untangling her hair from mine. "It's snowing."

I turned away from her deep brown eyes. _It was snowing._

She clapped her hands excitedly. "How about you feast when we get back? I know Mrs. Allen made her famous smothered porkchops."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I smell it on you; I'm not ashamed to admit that I search for that scent like a bloodhound. I plan my visits by those smothered pork chops."

"I'll bring you some for lunch tomorrow." I said. I was holding her hand, and I hadn't realized that until now. If she noticed, Iris didn't comment.

"ET?" she asked.

I grinned. ET was code for one bike. When we were kids we had an unhealthy fascination with ET. We were too big to fit in baskets so we took turns riding on the handlebars. "Definitely, ET."

* * *

><p>There was a steep hill that led from Iris' neighborhood to the waterfront. The snow was flurrying around us in a white blizzard, catching in her dark hair, and on her eyelashes. Iris was smiling. It was the last genuine smile that I would see for a while.<p>

I took the wheel and Iris positioned herself on the handlebars. Joe kept telling us to be careful, like we were kids. I had always been the careful one. Pressing on the breaks so we wouldn't go to fast, and grandpa-ing around the steep curves. Iris always sought danger.

"Go faster, go faster, Barry."

All of my caution went out the window at her command. That's what drew me to Iris. She challenged me to take risks, to embrace my wild side, to feel…fear.

The world moved around us in a blur of white and black. She was screaming into the night, fog dancing from her lips, and my legs were burning.

_Faster. Faster. Faster. _

If only we could really fly.

* * *

><p>Like Jitters, the waterfront was a ghost town. It was strange.<p>

We walked along the waterfront, Iris' arm linked in mine.

"Are you cold?" I asked, rubbing her shoulders.

"No, you're warm." She rested her head on my shoulder. "Do you want to stop into Jitters for coffee and free heat?"

"No," I swallowed down the lump in my throat. "I was already there."

Iris smiled. "To see Caitlin?"

"Yes and no."

Iris dusted snow off my jacket. "_Enough of this_." She tugged me towards a bench facing the waterfront. "Talk to me or I'm going tickle it out of you."

We were clearly not a day over five.

"I don't think that you want to hear what I have to say."

Iris shook her head. "I always want to hear what you have to say. Why would you say that?"

I clasped my hands and looked down at them. "I don't want to lie to you, Iris."

The words hung in the silence for what felt like years, until Iris reached for my hand. The snow picked up. I drew in a breath and focused back on her.

_I guess I was going down with this ship. _

"I love you, Iris."

The first bomb dropped without fallout.

The worry in her eyes softened. She squeezed my hand. "I love you too, Bear."

No, you don't understand. _I love you._

On my worst days you effortlessly pull me out of the dark.

You listen to me when I talk in circles. I can't think straight when I see you kiss another guy. I love you, completely.

She didn't understand. _I had to make her understand_.

"For years I've been trying to figure out how to put it into words. You're my best friend, we've been through so much together. You make me so happy, Iris. Whenever you're around me I feel like I can just be myself. I feel like I can breathe…because I'm so lucky to have someone as amazing as you in my life. I _love_ you."

The words kept falling out of my mouth even though Iris was looking at me with wide, shimmering eyes. Iris was always expressive, even when she didn't say a word—but her silence was like a dagger to the heart.

She doesn't love me back.

_Okay…okay, I had prepared for that. _

Panic set in. Panic and raw emotion. I felt naked, standing on a stage, confessing everything to the one person that could wreck me.

"You don't have to say anything. I'm sorry. _I'm so sorry_." The cold air stabbed at my lungs. "I can't help how I feel Iris. I can't help that I'm in love with you."

"How long," she whispered, at this point she had turned away.

"Since…" I choked on the words. "Since I gave you the roses."

"When we were eight?" her voice trembled. "Barry, you didn't even…"

I countered her. If this ship was going down, if I was already naked, then there really was nothing else to lose. "I loved you even before I knew what the word _love_ meant."

Iris turned to me now and I saw a single tear slide down her cheek.

* * *

><p>She didn't text me that night.<p>

I tossed and turned until the sun came up.

I lost my best friend. I lost her. My thoughts were obsessive and damning.

When I checked my phone for the fiftieth time, I saw that there was a single text from Iris.

_We're okay, Bear. 3_

No we weren't. I had messed us up.

* * *

><p>Coffee was brewing in the kitchen. Mom was standing over the stove flipping pancakes. "Morning, sunshine."<p>

"Morning," I said, giving her a bright smile.

I didn't want to talk about Iris. It hurt too much at the moment, and it shouldn't given that I had prepared my entire life for rejection.

"How did it go with Iris?" mom asked.

"Good."

She studied me, nodded, and placed a plate of food in front of me. "Your dad said that it was a madhouse at the hospital. He doesn't think that it's salmonella."

I was thankful for a distraction, any distraction. "Why does he think it's something other than salmonella?"

"Because S.T.A.R. Labs was there running tests."

I raised my chin. That was abnormal. "Running tests?"

S.T.A.R. Labs didn't waste time running tests and researching a salmonella outbreak.

"I didn't hear about S.T.A.R. Labs being there on the news."

"Your father said that all personnel in the hospital had to sign confidentiality forms. They don't want this getting out, until S.T.A.R. Labs figures out what it is."

"Did dad come back home last night?"

Mom nodded. "He did, but he's not feeling that well." She looked worried for the briefest second.

"What were his symptoms?" I asked, hesitantly.

"Bear, your father is fine. It's just been a long night…"

"Maybe he has the flu?"

Mom's lips thinned. "He has a fever and a cough, but he hasn't eaten at Big Belly Burger since the doctor told him he needs to watch his cholesterol." Mom reached in the fridge and pulled out a lunch bag. "You'll be late for school, you can't afford to be late anymore. I love you."

_Famous last words_.


	2. Diagnosis

AN: Thank you so much for the reviews guys. It's always nice to hear that someone is enjoying reading this…because I do have fun writing it. This chapter is from Iris' POV, and it switches between current time and a flashback. Things are about to ramp us next chapter If I don't update this story before the holidays…have a great holiday everyone!

Disclaimer: I do not own The Flash.

Chapter Two- Diagnosis

**_Iris_**

"I must still be dreaming. You're never up earlier than me."

Lights. Camera. Action.

I turned around and beamed at dad. A smile was easier to summon than an explanation about my sleepless night. _Barry said that he loved me_. I couldn't think about it. Not right now. "It's the last before Christmas break. I've been up all night wrapping gifts."

It was more like, I did a bang-up-job wrapping gifts, and contemplated calling Barry a million times. The only reason that I didn't was because I had no idea what to say.

Dad was still leaning against the wall eyeing me suspiciously. My whole pomp and circumstance, "It's Christmas, I'm Pintrest baking, I'm high on the holiday!" act was not working. He was onto me.

Swiftly, I turned away from him. Please don't ask about Barry. _Please_. "So, I um—made this loaded omelet. You name it, it's in here." He was still eyeing me suspiciously. _Grr!_ "It's getting cold!"

"Sweetie,"

_He had the tone_. The I-am-your-father-I-know-all-and-see-all tone.

I wasn't going to be deterred.

_For years I've been trying to figure out how to put it into words. _

Clenching my jaw, I served a mountain of food onto dad's plate. "FYI, we'll probably need to take a family grocery trip in the next two days. We're out of eggs, bacon, and cheese. And Bear…Bear, drank all the milk."

"No he didn't."

I wrinkled my nose.

"Bear's been taking the fall for you since you two were kids. When he drinks the last of the milk he goes to the story to replace it, even though he doesn't live here." Dad chuckled and took a seat at the table. "You don't."

I placed the plate down in front of him. "Enjoy!"

He picked up his fork. "Eddie dropped by last night."

"Eddie?"

"Yes, honey, Eddie, the guy you're dating."

When we discussed Eddie, dad didn't bother saying his name. Eddie's father wasn't insanely popular in Central City—a few years ago he closed a handful of factories, leaving a lot of people unemployed. That had nothing to do with Eddie though, he didn't make the decision. _It was his dad_.

"Did you tell him that I was with Bear?"

"I did," dad confirmed.

"Well Eddie didn't call me?" If my cell was near I would've made a production about checking for missed calls. "I'll see him at school."

"Are you and Barry okay?"

"I thought we were talking about Eddie?"

"We were, but now we're talking about you and Bear."

I had the childish impulse to stomp my foot. I loved dad, but when it came to Barry, he was intrusive. _Well at least it felt that way_. "We're fine. We talked about Physics, all things classified as nerd, and then we joined Caitlin and Cisco at Jitters."

"You hate going to Jitters on your day off."

"_Dad_!"

He chuckled and looked down. "I was doing the thing, huh?"

"Yes, you were doing the thing. I feel like I'm on a murder trial."

"Bear looked sad when he left. I wanted to make sure that you weren't giving him a hard time. You love antagonizing him Iris."

I placed my hand on my hip. "It's my job to give him a hard time. How is my loaded omelet? I don't see any dents in it yet." To appease me dad took a bite.

Now it was his turn to stage the production. He used his hands to speak when describing the food, something he probably picked up from our Food Network binges. "Savory, ripe, edible…filling?"

He was trying. That's all I could ask for. "Thank you!" I gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Dad's cell phone vibrated. "West." A few moments later he grabbed his keys. "Honey, I got to go. Something's happening by the stadium."

"Okay,"

"Make up with Bear." He pointed at me.

"Dad,"

"Love you." He added.

_Love you more. _

* * *

><p>It took longer than usual to get to school. Something was obviously going on in Central City—the signs were all there.<p>

Ambulances on every corner, car accidents, and detours were just a few pre-holiday delights. Another thing I noticed was that the Central City High's parking lot was like the mall two weeks after holiday sales—deserted, because all the money was spent.

To trick myself into the holiday spirit, I put on a Santa hat. Despite my sleepless night I did feel accomplished. I had gifts for everyone. Caitlin, Cisco, Lexi, and Barry.

_Barry._

I scanned the parking lot for his car, but of course it wasn't there—as long as the sun was still rising, Barry Allen was guaranteed to be late. I walked into Central City High with a mission. Hunt down my elves, and gift them graciously. Tell Eddie that we were okay, not back together, but we were okay. And whenever I ran into Barry…I needed to dig us out of this weird place. _I hated weird places with Bear_.

"Iris West!"

Lexi LaRouche ran over to me. She was wearing sky-high heels, red tights, and a body hugging dress that would've gotten her sent home on a regular day.

"What's up?"

"Besides the fact that the world is ending!" she dramatically flipped her red hair off of her shoulders. "I need to talk to you like…yesterday."

I smiled and nodded even though I felt like moonwalking away from Lex's latest drama. Immediately she dived into a story, without breathing, about how she lost her virginity to Tony Woodward in a Burger King parking lot. _Oh girl_.

"I mean it's my virginity, Iris. It's a big deal." Lexi whined.

I swore that she lost her virginity in eighth grade, but at the moment, I wasn't in the mood to challenge the many different ways that Lexi could lose her virginity.

"He didn't even call me, like…I did very unlady like things…"

"Lexi," _Spare me the details woman! _"Merry Christmas, elf."

I thrust a gift at her, and she took the bait like a hungry fish.

Her big green eyes widened. She shook the tiny box. "Is this Tiffany's? It shakes like it's from Tiffany's."

I shook my shoulders. Theoretically, I was a great gift-giver. I paid attention to detail. I remembered the request made in April and planned my gifts ahead of time. However, I gave the gifts that I knew people wanted; while a more thoughtful and skilled gift-giver like Barry got you the gifts that you didn't even realize that you needed.

Where was he? _Was he even coming to school today_? I chewed on my lip.

Lexi squealed and threw her arms around me. The wrapping paper was on the floor and she was holding the bracelet. "Can we just be lesbians and say to fucking hell with guys. You _would_ call me back."

I smiled. "Not if you gave it up to me in a Burger King parking lot."

Lexi gasped and hit my shoulder. "Fine, I'll just marry Barry."

Down the hall, I saw Barry and Cisco. My heart literally stopped. I wanted to rush over to him, hug him, and pull him into a closet…our safe space where we could cry, get mad, or share private jokes that no one else understood…I couldn't stand this wall between us. I really needed to stop obsessing over this.

Barry stopped walking when he saw me. He stopped so abruptly that Cisco didn't realize that he was now talking to himself. I tried to fix a smile on my face to encourage him over, but he was frozen.

_ I cried when he told me that he loved me—I just hadn't been ready for it. How could I have been so blind? _

Lexi waved at Barry. He was usually polite to Lexi even though I knew that he didn't like her. He told me a while back that in middle school she put gum in Caitlin's hair. That was the kind of friend that Barry was. Cross his friends once and you were on the Barry shit-list.

Barry turned around at the speed of light, crashing into a door. He mumbled, "Sorry," to it, and then circled back to Cisco.

"Dude, what's happening?" Cisco asked.

"I uh—thought I forgot something but I…" he was stammering and doing that nervous tick with his hands going to the back of his head.

_He was avoiding me_.

I deserved it. My favorite elf was heartbroken, and the hottest science gadget of the year, couldn't fix that. _How the hell could I fix this_?

"Did you two break up?" Lexi asked. "And by you two, I mean, the homecoming king and queen."

It seemed like years had passed since homecoming. I absently picked at my fishnet stockings as a flood of memories washed over me. I saw us dancing at homecoming. He had given me this beautiful corsage. We weren't even supposed to win.

"Barry and I were never dating."

I kept my eyes on Barry as he walked past. He looked deep in thought about something. "Hey, Barry."

"Hey, Iris." He said. Barry flashed me a heartbreaking smile. It was the kind of smile that he saved for me. The wide Barry grin that was supposed to convince you that everything was okay even when it wasn't.

* * *

><p><strong>Before<strong>

I had the worst day ever at Jitters. It was so awful that I had to text Barry to complain about it.

Me: A woman threw her coffee at me because it wasn't dark enough.

Barry: Do I NEED me to come down there?

Me. Maybe? How will you punish her for being a total bitch?

Barry: Tell her that the secret ingredient in her coffee is spider milk!

Me: …

Barry: Cisco and Cate would get it.

Me: Science references, over my head, Bear. I have to get back to work. PS. there is a kid in here that looks just like Chucky; he keeps batting his eyelashes at me. I am officially freaked out.

Barry: He probably thinks that you're cute :)

Me: Rude.

* * *

><p>I had the house to myself that weekend. Henry Allen had talked dad into a men only fishing trip—Barry decided to stay. When I got home—feet barking at me, eyes crossed from rolling them at nasty people, and the desire to eat chips and ice-cream—I found Barry being awesome and cooking high-class dinners.<p>

I used to tell Barry that he would make a girl really happy one day. In high school you rarely looked at a guy and said, "Fuck yeah—this one is husband material." But Barry was the exception. He was smart, motivated, clumsy, kind, handsome, cheesy and thoughtful. If you were having a bad day, Barry would bend over backward to make it better—and he didn't just do it for me. I'd seen him put on his superman cape for his parents, Caitlin, and Cisco as well.

"Hey, Bear."

He was standing over the stove, looking like summer. Did I mention that despite teasing him about his cooking skills—he was actually a good cook. Barry's skin was a few shades darker, courtesy of the outside science kid's camp he was volunteering at. He was wearing a light blue tee shirt and khaki shorts.

"Hey, you."

"I had the worst day over." I pouted, whining slightly, so Barry could play the part.

He obliged. Barry turned away from the stove and he held out his arms. "Hug me."

I circled my arms around him. _Barry gave the best hugs_. He wasn't usually the one that broke the hug either. "Do you know how happy I am to find you standing over a stove?"

"I can imagine, barefoot and domesticated." He teased.

I swatted him. For some reason Barry enjoyed teasing me about being the Alpha in my relationships. That was totally _not_ true. "What are you making for me, honey?"

I added the last part as a joke—but Barry didn't seem to pick up on it. When we used to do couple like things, and I called him honey, he would return the comment with baby or babe, but not tonight. Someone was extra serious!

"My mom tried something new last week. I wanted to try it for you."

"It smells like heaven. I want to eat it all."

Barry's cheeks were red. "It'll be done soon, Iris."

"Thanks, Bear." I pulled my hair down. "I'm going to shower, be right back."

"Okay," he said.

I glanced over my shoulder. Barry was busy perfecting his recipes, opening the stove, stirring this and that, and checking the timer.

Everything about Barry was wonderful.

* * *

><p><strong>Now<strong>

I gave Cisco his gift.

His was a three-parter: a comic book, a gift card to Make-Your-Own-Gadgets (a store that specialized in selling parts for making questionable/unsafe weaponry), and a month's worth of candy. Candy was his poison.

"Iris West you are officially the Yoda to my Luke." And then he hugged me.

I giggled. "I'm glad you like it."

"I thought I was your Luke?" Barry teased.

"Uh yeah," Cisco turned to face Barry, "but Iris took your place today. Man, you're slipping."

Lexi was hovering behind us. I knew she was eyeing Barry like free-tickets to a Jay-Z concert, because I saw his eyes shift uncomfortably towards her. Lexi had this weird fixation on Barry. I wouldn't trust her with him in a dark room.

"_Attention. We need all students to report to the gymnasium_." The announcement broke the conversation.

Barry's green eyes, fringed behind long eyelashes, fixed on me. I smiled at him even though my stomach was in knots.

"And so it begins." Cisco said twisting open the tub of candy and offering some to everyone. I politely declined, Barry politely accepted, and Lexi insisted that she was on a juice cleanse.

"So what begins?" I asked.

"Like y'all don't know something ain't right." Cisco said.

Before Cisco could say another word a locker slammed shut behind me. Lexi screamed. Barry grabbed me. Cisco jumped back.

"_What_!" I cried.

I heard the sound of retching and then a cry for help. She was standing where I had just been, and she was coughing up _blood_.

Still screaming her lungs off, Lexi fished around in her purse and tossed a _tampon_ at the girl. Barry's hand dug deeper into my wrist, as if he was afraid of letting me go. Caitlin broke the startled silence. She appeared at just the right time.

"Oh my god!" Caitlin went to aid the girl. Barry and Cisco joined her.

"What. The. Actual. Fuck!" Lexi cried.

"We have to get her to the nurse." I stammered. _What's wrong with her_.

"Help, please…someone…help me." The girl grabbed onto Caitlin's arm, staining her jacket with blood.

"Caitlin, be careful." Barry warned.

"I'll get help!" I took off running in the opposite direction. She was coughing up blood. There was so much blood—so much blood.

The nurse's door was closed. I turned the knob. It was locked. As my heart slammed against my ribcage I looked from left to right. There was no one in the hall. So I did the only thing that I could, "_help_!"

Mr. Diggle, who mostly everyone called Mr. Digg, jogged down the hall towards me. He must've been in the gym.

"Iris? _What's wrong_?"

"Shescoughingupblood."

"Where?"

I pointed, frustrated that I couldn't use my words. "Follow me." Together Mr. Digg and I circled back to the girl. I didn't even know her name. I felt like a horrible human being for not knowing her name.

A sheen of sweat was on Barry's forehead. "Mr. Digg, she's not responding."

Caitlin was checking her pulse. "She's showing signs of bradycardia. Her resting heart rate keeps dropping."

"She's not coughing up as much blood." Cisco added.

"I called 911. She needs to get to a hospital." Barry said.

I looked between them, marveling at how calm they appeared to be. Lexi was huddled in a corner, her Cashmere sweater was splattered with red, and she was clutching my Christmas gift.

"Go to the gymnasium. Students are being sent home. And send Nurse Pratchett." Mr. Digg said, remaining calm. "She's stable for now. Thank you for helping her." Mr. Digg crouched beside Barry, Caitlin, and Cisco. "I have it from here."

Cisco nodded. "Mr. Digg, she said that she's not experiencing any chest pain, but she is running a fever. You'll want to tell the paramedics when they arrive."

"Thank you, Cisco."

Lexi inched towards me. The next thing I knew she was hugging me tightly. "What's wrong with her? Do you think it's that salmonella outbreak from Big Belly Burger?"

"It's not salmonella." Barry said looking down at his hands.

Cisco nodded assertively, "Salmonellosis symptoms: Vomiting. Check. Abdominal cramps. No. Chills…I'm not so sure. She's vomiting too much blood for this to be salmonella."

"Gym and Nurse Pratchett." Mr. Digg ordered.

"I'll get her," Lexi volunteered. She tried to drag me with her, but I shook my head.

"I'll meet you in the gym."

Thankfully, Lexi didn't protest. For whatever reason she decided to toss a nasty comment Caitlin's way before getting help.

"I hate your shoes."

Caitlin shook her head, obviously choosing to take the high road.

I glared after Lexi. She took off before I could make her apologize. "I'm sorry, Caitlin."

"No," Caitlin crossed her arms to her chest. "You don't have to apologize for her behavior."

The hallway was eerily dark. It felt like…this was the last time we would be in school as students. A shiver traveled up my spine. Nurse Pratchett rushed past us.

"_Gym_!" she said.

We didn't budge. We were all silent until I said, "I have a Christmas gift for you Caitlin. I already gave Cisco his." That wasn't what I meant to say, but I was struggling to hold onto some normalcy. It registered now that I had dropped my gifts when the girl started coughing up blood.

"I got gifts for you too." Caitlin gave me a quick hug. That was sweet of her. "Maybe we could exchange gifts after this is all over. Christmas party at the Snow's!" Caitlin pumped her fist enthusiastically despite the fact that her eyes were sad. Blood was on her jeans too.

Down the hall, I saw Mr. Digg and Nurse Pratchett on their phones. Mr. Digg's hand was to his forehead and Nurse Pratchett had her hand to her throat.

"I think she's dying." I whispered.

"We don't know that, Iris." Barry said, as he came into the light.

* * *

><p><strong>Before<strong>

"I hope that you saved some room." Barry said.

It was strange noticing Barry this way. It was like the summer came and he just blossomed. My eyebrows furrowed at the ridiculous nature of my thoughts.

"Did you do something different with your hair, Bear?"

I was sitting at the table uselessly. I should be helping, but he wouldn't allow it.

"My kitchen, my rules tonight." He had asserted, using my line against me. "But, I'll let you wash the dishes."

And by dishes…he meant that he left a solitary pity bowl for me to rinse.

"I did get a haircut."

I tilted my head to the side. It was longer up front and shorter on the sides. It looked good.

"I approve."

He winked at me.

I stared at Barry for a while longer. There was something else different about him…but I couldn't place my hand on what it was.

"Your first meal is rosemary garlic butter steak with…"

"_Bear_?"

His cheeks flushed, "What?"

I swatted his hand. "Are you cooking for the Queen of England or me…your best-friend?"

He shrugged and then stammered, "I don't know. I'm cooking for you. It took a dozen tries but I think it's alright."

My eyebrows furrowed, "Bear, you could've just popped a DiGiorno pizza in the oven."

"Can you just try it and put me out of my misery?"

"Okay, okay." He placed the plate down in front of me. It smelled really good. "If only we had some wine to wash this down with." I was kidding, but of course, Barry being Barry, anticipated my desire for underage drinking.

"I borrowed this from my parents." He produced a bottle of wine.

"What? You stole alcohol?"

"I didn't steal, I pilfered." Barry shrugged. "I don't think they'll kill me for one rebellious act, and Joe isn't here."

"So we should drink!" I raised my hands over my head and clapped excitedly.

Barry got two mugs from the cabinet, "Oh wait…we should use wine glasses, right?"

"No, Bear. I want my wine in a mug. I'm already fancy enough with this rosemary garlic butter steak."

"Which you still haven't tried." He pointed out.

"Okay, chef. I can take a hint." I used my fork and knife to slice into the meat. When I took a bite all I could say was, "Mmmmmm!"

"Mmm?" Barry asked, eyebrows arched, and grinning.

"_Yes_," I nodded eagerly and hit Barry with my best foodie critique. "The texture is tender with just the right amount of firmness." He was looking at me, like I looked at him when he talked about science. "It's moist and juicy…full-flavored! And the rosemary and butter adds a nice kick to it."

Barry placed down my mug of wine and he rubbed his hands together. "So all that gibberish was your way of saying that it's good?"

"Grab a plate!" I washed down the mouthwatering steak with wine. "Eat with me."

"I'll eat later. I'm not hungry right now."

"Thanks so much, Barry." When he had a bad day I brought over bad movies, board games, and Chipotle. He always one-upped me. I pinched his side. He was too sweet.

"You can't thank me until we're finished with dinner. I have one more surprise for you."

Dinner came with three courses. Barry refused to disclose how many attempts it took him to perfect everything, but the trash had mysteriously been taken out while I was at work. When I went to wash my dishes Barry swooped in and took them.

"Barry let me do something!"

"You are doing something…you're keeping me company."

* * *

><p><strong>Now<strong>

The principal stood up front and he was flanked by teachers.

Caitlin, Barry, and Cisco took a seat in the middle, I would've sat with them but I saw Eddie waving me over.

"I'll be right back." I said.

Barry nodded, but he didn't look at me.

That bothered me…it bothered me enough to reach out and touch his hand. "Save me a seat, okay?"

His green eyes rested on me now. He nodded and placed his other hand over mine. "Of course."

I gave Barry a brief smile, he returned it, fractionally.

Eddie was sitting across the gym in front of Tony and Lexi. He looked sad, and I knew that was mostly because of me. I wasn't in love with Eddie—we hadn't been dating long enough for me to love him, but I cared about him, for sure.

"This is crazy." He said, in his soft voice.

I nodded and sat down beside him.

"They're sending us home by last name. Even if we drove here, they want us to take the bus."

"_What_?"

Eddie nodded and looked down. "They're trying to keep order, but yet get us home. Apparently it's not safe for us all to drive."

That didn't make any sense. "Did he say what was happening?" I almost told Eddie about the girl who was coughing up blood, but I didn't want to alarm him. We already had too much on our plates.

"He was vague." Eddie chewed on his lip. "I love you, Iris."

I closed my eyes. "Eddie can we talk about this later?"

"We might not get later."

The urgency in his voice took me by surprise. For the second time that day I really took in the faces around me: somber, unsure, and numb. Eddie took my hand, and I didn't pull back.

"I shouldn't have asked you to choose between me and Barry."

_Yes you should have. You were right._

"I owe you an apology."

"Eddie, you don't have to apologize." _You were right_. I always defended Barry, even when Eddie accused him of being passive aggressive and unfriendly.

The look in his eyes was pleading. If I wasn't worried about Barry seeing us, I probably would've kissed Eddie, just to make him drop the topic.

"We're going to send home all of the students whose last names end in A-D first." The principal announced.

There was a moan that rippled through the gym.

"_That's bullshit_!" Tony stood up. "It's fucking Planet of the Apes out there and you fuck-ups want us to take a fucking bus home? I drove my truck to school."

"Mr. Woodward." The principal's eyes darkened. "We are following protocol, and today this is how we're evacuating the school. This is not optional." Without further commentary he told all of the students with last names ending in A-D to join him on the floor.

Allen.

I jerked my head towards Barry willing him not to move, but he stood up.

Sit down, Barry.

_Thump_.

Caitlin hugged Barry. She was acting like he was being sent to his execution.

Thump.

Cisco shook Barry's hand, and then went in for a hug.

Thump.

Barry sheepishly grinned. Was he afraid? I couldn't tell? I couldn't read his expression.

His long legs carried him down the bleachers. He joined the other students on the floor. There wasn't that many students because most people had stayed home. As they were ushered towards the door, Barry's head towards me.

I suddenly couldn't breathe.

For a few seconds…everything faded to black and it was just me and Barry.

_ I love you, Iris._

He grinned. Barry was selling me all the lies he could. And then he turned vanishing into the light.

* * *

><p><strong>Before<strong>

"What other surprises could you possibly have for me?"

Barry had turned off all of the lights and he was leading me upstairs.

"Just wait and see."

I grabbed onto the back of his shirt. "I swear to God if Caitlin and Cisco are hiding up here waiting to jump out…"

"Why would I invite them?" Barry questioned.

It seemed logical to me given that we were just hanging out.

When he reached the top of the stairs Barry took my hand.

"Do you remember that summer when you got sick and you wanted to go outside and play, but Joe wouldn't let you?"

"Sounds like the story of many summers."

My hand felt so small in his. Barry wasn't just holding my hand. He was squeezing my hand, stroking it, just being liberal with the way that he was touching me…

I realized then what else was different about Barry. I used to see him as a boy. Skinny, adorable, puppy, bright, shining, Barry. But he was no longer skinny—and he didn't remind me of a puppy as much as he used to. Barry had transformed into a man overnight. I stared up at him—feeling something that I couldn't put into words.

"Fireflies?" he asked, arching his thick eyebrows.

That was all he had to say for the memories to come back, my mouth dropped. "No."

"Yes."

"Barry, _where_?"

"Your room."

"Dad is going to kill us."

"Kill you—I'll already be dead after my parents find out about the wine."

Unable to control myself I placed my hands on his back. "Take me to it!"

Barry giggled, and it was the most adorkable sound ever.

Together we ran towards my room and sure enough Barry had re-created one of my favorite memories.

I couldn't imagine how long it took for Bear to catch fireflies in mason jars, but he did.

"Bed," he bossed.

"Bear," I sung. "This must've taken hours."

I went to touch him, but he sidestepped my hands. "Iris, fireflies don't live that long in jars." I knew that he could've told me their exact expiration date, but he spared me the science, and ordered me to the bed.

"You couldn't come outside that day, and you used to really love fireflies….torturing them."

"I didn't torture them, I just like to twist off their bulbs."

"Effectively, killing them." Barry teased.

I rolled my eyes at him.

"I figured that you could use a little magic, then. Same thing for today. I don't know any magic tricks. So I recruited the fireflies to assist." Barry proceeded to twist off the mason jars lids and the fireflies flew out, flashing bright lights. He stood for a while, head tilted upwards, grinning as the fireflies danced around him.

Eventually he joined me on the bed. Now that he was close enough I wrapped my arms around him. He smelled like rosemary garlic butter steak and fresh cologne.

I sunk into him and rested my head against his chest. Barry wrapped me up securely and he massaged my back. I realized for the second time that Barry Allen was a man…no longer the little boy who used to put flowers in my mailbox.

* * *

><p><strong>Now<strong>

I took off running after Barry. I heard Eddie call out for me, but I didn't turn around.

The bus was pulling away.

We didn't even get a chance to talk. He told me he loved me. And I hadn't said a word back to him. We couldn't end things like this.

_The end. _

I could hear sirens down the road. Helicopters were flying in circles above my head.

Thump.

I was running faster than ever in these boots, but I refused to stop. Adrenaline pushed me to continue. "Wait!" I screamed. "_Wait_!"

Reason was out the door. All I wanted to do was wrap Barry up in my arms and tell him—God, I still had no idea what to tell him, but I needed us to at least be on speaking terms—especially when everything was crashing around us like dominoes.

He heard me screaming because I saw him come towards the emergency exit door. The bus lights flashed bright red.

Barry opened the emergency door and with one swoop he pulled me in.

I crashed into him. We didn't exchange any words. We didn't need to…because even if I wasn't able to process the sudden shift in our dynamic. I chose him, and I would always choose Barry Allen.

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